Tag Archives: Advice

Turn those Grey skies YELLOW!

13 Jul

It’s raining, cold, your rego is coming up, that guy never called and you didn’t get that audition you went for. Your ex girlfriend is back in town – engaged, you dropped your phone in a puddle and to top it off you’re getting evicted.

You want to give up. Lie in bed all day, every day, until it stops hurting.

Me too! I feel you. That’s exactly how I feel when life decides to throw me a million curve balls. Sometimes I even stop answering my calls. (Me without a phone in my hand? Amazing!)

The thing I love the most during these awful times is that sinking feeling you get in your chest, that seems to arrive each morning, fading in pain as the day goes on but forever stopping you from eating or thinking straight. I wish that thing had an off button….

What can we do to fix it all?

Positive distractions.

Friends. Jump on your phone now. Who are your favourite 10 people, yes 10. Text them right now. ‘Coffee next week?’, ‘picnic on the weekend?’, doesn’t matter what it is, arrange a meet-up. Your friends are what make your skies the brightest of blues. See them. Don’t let the conversation be all about your troubles. You will only find yourself leaving lunch feeling even more down. Keep it about them. Their energy will most definitely rub off on you.

The gym. It is impossible to go when you’re feeling like a piece of shit. You have to! I would personally recommend going to a class. Go to one of the classes filled with old women. Or a class that will be entertaining, like Zumba. Spend an hour being surrounded by smiling faces and women who refer to you as ‘Darl’.

Confession: I have once, okay maybe twice teared up after a petrol station attendant has been nice to me, yep, just because I was feeling so low. It might happen to you at the gym when an elderly woman in lycra compliments you on your eyes at the beginning of your newly found aerobics class. It’s okay. You have a sweat towel handy. Wipe them away and get that butt moving.

Avoid the junk food. It’ll just make it worse….I love a good bowl of hot chips, banana bread and some chocolate when I’m down but it will just add to the self loathing. Stay clear of sugar. Try to keep on an even playing field. Don’t let food play with how sensitive you’re already feeling.

Book a Holiday. It doesn’t matter if it’s just a weekend away. Get out of here. Change it up. Adopt fresh eyes and meet new people! You’ll come back refreshed and energised and let’s hope, a little tanned.

Volunteer. You may not value yourself at this very moment but other people sure do. Give up some of your time to help people who need it. I know, you feel like you need help right now too BUT you get what you give, it’ll come. Nothing is better than seeing someone smile thanks to your hard work. Invest in others when you feel spent.

Don’t search for answers. I am one of those people who thinks too much. I will try to find meaning in everything and sometimes, well, there isn’t any. The universe isn’t punishing you. We’ve all learnt that the bad times disappear and good times follow. It’s the rollercoaster of life. You just gotta ride this wave until the better months hit.You will inevitably get a better job, go on an amazing date, get a raise….Good stuff will happen and you can bet bad stuff will follow again. You just have to find ways you can manage it. Play close attention to what works for you in turning that frown upside down. Let yourself cry, sure, but don’t feel sorry for yourself. Everybody’s life sucks at some point. You’re not that special.

K xx

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Working the Bitches….

27 Jun

I was reading a well known women’s magazine recently, that featured an article offering advice about an age old problem – bitchy women.

The article attempted to cover ways in which to cope with work place witchery, however, the piece only succeeded in offering the same kind of advice you were once given from your school counsellor; try to work out why they’re doing it, seek to ignore them and if it gets too much, tell your teacher, ahem, your boss. Sounds like the bitch wins to me.

Sure, you may believe in karma! The universe will get’em one day and they will get their comeuppence. That’s all well and dandy, Pollyanna but for now, they’re making your life Hell! There’s gotta be a better way than just simply ignoring them?!

Before I go further, I’d like to highlight the difference between a woman of strong character and a bitch.

A strong, confident woman is also considerate, perceptive and open to communication. A bitch is someone who undermines you, is inconsiderate of you both personally and professionally and thrives on seeing you weak or affected. This post is most definitely about the latter.

Bullies travel in packs, so, you’re more than likely dealing with a co-bitch or co-bitches. Think of them as co-pilots in the repeated attempts at your assassination. They ride the coat tails of the alpha bitch,  allow the work place bullying to continue, and often, when you catch them alone, they struggle to make eye contact with you. It’s hard when you’re faced with more than one bully but you have to remember the co-bitches are the weakest individuals you will ever encounter. You’re really only dealing with one person here. You will always know exactly who the leader is.

Now that we’re clear, we can move on.

If you are forced to work with a ‘bitch’ you’re in trouble. Let’s not pretend you’re not. I’d love to say  – beat her at her own game, though, for those of us who are adverse to drama and quite frankly time poor, there has to be a better , cleaner way.

This lovely boy I knew in High School once said to me –  “Bullies hate it when you’re nice to them”. Pretty wise for a 15 year old and he was right. People are lost for reasons to dislike you when you’re nothing but nice to them.

How do you combat the bullies?

Here are some ideas, consider them experiments. Let me know how they go –

1. Be Sally Field for a day (circa The Flying Nun.) Bake cupcakes and share them with everyone at work, including the Bitch Brigade. Keep the happy greetings and goodbye’s flowing and never ever let the cracks show. Remember, these people survive on drama. You have to starve them of their energy source.

2. Be Dustin Hoffman (circa Working Girl) You are simply going to have to work harder at your job. Be prepared to hear them spout negative comments in your direction. Be a winner. Dress smarter, be smarter. Use their insecurities to feed your desire to rise above, literally. Who knows, if you find yourself in a higher position than them, you can always transfer them to another office!

3. Be Gwyneth Paltrow (after a Yoga class). Find activities outside of work that energize you and keep you positive. Mean people tend to bring you down leading you to eat more, work out less and struggle to put in the kind of performance you’d usually achieve quite easily at work. The only way to survive is to be able to see your workplace as a facet of your life and not your entire purpose. Mid week dinners with friends and rewarding weekends spent doing what makes you happy are the answer.

“This is your life, not theirs.” My dad said that to me just a few weeks ago and it’s spot on. You’re no longer in High School. Don’t let these women chart your future. Like my grandpa used to say, “You drive the car, the car doesn’t drive you!”

They’ve targeted you because you have something they don’t. Don’t let them crush you. Keep being great and watch them fall to bits.

That way, you win. Every time.

You might also want to add this track to your gym workout playlist –

….. Just run it out girls  🙂

Kristy xx

Punching below your weight: How to find a keeper

20 Feb

I am sitting in a café, and next to me sits a couple, that any observer would count as being on very different ‘levels’.

This couple is around my age, maybe 5 years older and they have caught my attention because of a trend I’ve seen occurring over the last year – extremely mismatched couples. Or as some may put it, ‘punching below one’s weight’. That’s right, slumming it, not pulling the goods. It occurred to me that this is because we have reached ‘marrying age’, the ‘pressure zone’ as some may coin it. It is time to settle down and when I mean settle down, for some of us, that purely means to settle.

We’ve all experienced the gamut of relationships. Long distance, High School Sweetheart, Lust filled, dramatic, crazy, should have stayed as friends, long-term ….

I think we can all agree that the scariest relationship was the one where our partner was special. Attractive, smart, talented – all the things you ever wanted. Then came the day it ended, taking you forever to get over the heartbreak.

Could you go through that kind of heartache again? Hell no!

So you’re on the hunt for someone solid, dependable, probably not all that attractive to the opposite gender. Someone, who would give anything to marry you. Someone that felt so thankful to be with you that they would never stray.

Wow. How fucking depressing.

It seems that in the face of fear, you have decided to allow love to lose its importance, replacing it with the need for security, for the boring instead of the inspirational.

Let me fast forward. You’re now 50 with 3 great kids, living the same suburban experience as your parents and their parents before them, all because you couldn’t risk spending your 30’s alone.

STOP!

Don’t do it!

I know where you’re coming from. Yes, it is scary feeling thinking that you’re never going to find someone and that if you do, you better hold onto them because if you don’t, it may take even longer to find someone next time round.

It’s a race, didn’t you know?!

If you’re the lucky last of your friends to find love, bouquets are purposefully thrown your way at weddings and brunch conversations revolve around married friends sharing possible options with you, describing potential partners as having a ‘solid work ethic’ and being ‘upbeat and personable’.

A year of bliss vs 30 years of monotony?

I’d take the one year of bliss. It may seem like more of a gamble but the inspiration you feel from being with a partner you’re passionate about, the qualities you adopt when you’re with someone who makes you a better person, the smile that forever dances in your eyes when you’re truly happy, isn’t worth sacrificing thanks to some self-imposed deadline.

I’m not saying anyone is ‘better’ than anyone else. Some people are just a better fit. Don’t settle for anything less than that. Afterall, this isn’t just your 30’s you have to get through but the rest of your life.

Find a knockout. Life is too short to play it safe.

I like him but does he like me back?

9 Jan

I’ll be honest, I have Googled – ‘How to tell if he likes you’.

If you’re honest, you’ll probably admit to doing this too.

You can sit there, shake your head and pretend you haven’t – I KNOW YOU HAVE.

Crushing on someone who has no clue you like them, usually leads to this kind of behaviour.

This rush of teenage girly excitement has you living the optimistic life of those that see the glass half full. Regardless of the fact that you initiate all texts,emails and catch-ups, you’re hopeful that some Blog out there is going to tell you that he hasn’t made a move because he’s scared of commitment, or in need of ‘time’; that he definitely likes you, in fact he really likes you, and don’t feel bad for scribbling his name across your post-it note pad whilst you were on a work call this morning, he’s probably doing the same thing, he’s just too shy to tell you.

Like most women, I know how to pick them – it’s a curse – He’s still in love with his ex, has just started a new job and hasn’t time to commit, or has major anger management issues and punched a wall on the first date (which obviously expels him from any further dates). Yep. Sometimes it feels like you’re on Candid Camera …. Finally, when you do find a guy you really like, that has you grinning from ear to ear – he doesn’t like you back. You are not alone! This crazy business is standard. We are all in the same boat and regardless of how fabulous, intelligent or attractive you are – you have filled these shoes at some point in your life or are wearing these smelly hand-me-downs right this minute.

Being single is like living in a Soapie. Your drama filled dates become the focus of all girly pow wows and hey, regardless of how awful the dates you have are – the laughter filled debrief’s are worth it.  But when you like someone who you’re yet to go on an actual date with, you spend a great deal of time obsessing over where you and he are at. You  and your friends dissect all his texts, have a slideshow viewing of his pics from Facebook and regurgitate every conversation you’ve had with him, all  in attempt to fossick for signs. Signs that he may like you too but c’mon ladies! What in the name of Riggins are we doing?!

We are wasting a hell of a lot of time and energy! That’s what! I did some Googling (again) and I read a wide array of Blogs and articles from how to know if a guy likes you (make sure you read this to the end, because this guy let’s you in on how his girlfriend kept him and it had nothing to do with her amazing conversation)  to why you’re not married and apart from feeling entirely discouraged about the future of my dating life, I was lead to one conclusion – If he likes you, you’ll know.

If he likes you, you won’t have to chat about it with friends and look for an ‘x’ at the end of a text. You will know! He’ll step up to the plate, he’ll ask you out and you’ll do more than the first awkward dinner and go figure – he’ll generally want to see you as much as you want to see him!

All that energy you just expelled, would have been better put into the relationships you already have, the ones that actually exist with your friends and family. I’m not saying you can’t spend a little time imagining what it’d be like to go out with him – just don’t let it take over your life.

I know it’s hard to switch that part of your brain off that is constantly thinking about your crush, but you have to. Focus on other things! Hang out with your friends. Work on your own projects. Live your life! I have been boy crazy for as long as I can remember, so I am that girl who needs to hear this the most! But think about it – if you can just find a way to redirect that radar to add to your life, instead of detract from it – you will be much happier
and happy people are attractive people! Win/win!

You are not doomed! You will find it when you least expect it. That old saying has stood the test of time for a reason. Take the pressure off,  worry about the bigger picture, and watch everything fall into place. When you’re busy doing what you love doing – you’ll meet him; or that guy you were obsessing about, might come back! A lot can change in 6 months to a year and sometimes people just aren’t ready! The more you push – the further you push them away.

You know that guy you went on a date with last year that was too keen? Do you remember how off-putting that was? That is you. Right now. Stop it.

Or, if you really, really want to know if he likes you – just ask! Cut to the chase, cut out the drama and get the tears out-of-the-way.

I like him but does he like me back?

You know the answer to that.

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