Tag Archives: Dating

So you’re single. Do you like the 80’s?

15 Oct

I attended an eighties movie double last night. They were playing Risky Business and the film that lead to my childhood obsession with Molly Ringwald, Sixteen Candles.

It was during Sixteen Candles that it hit me – eighties films have shaped my concept of men. Oh god! Why did I not realise this sooner!

As I watched Molly’s character, Samantha swoon over heart-throb Jake Ryan, I realised that Jake too was my first crush. I fell in love with Jake sitting on my Aunt’s couch on any given weekend, watching my favourite John Hughes film’s on repeat. I would have been about seven and I couldn’t wait to turn sixteen and materialise into Molly Ringwald, with her gorgeous freckles and super cool clothes and of course have my first kiss with someone like Jake….*sigh*

So, how did eighties films shape what I look for in a man? Well, Jake is the epitome of preppy and it is no secret I have a penchant for ‘preppy’ men (Tom Cruise in Risky Business is also a Country Club kid). I am also obsessed with cars (both Jake and Tom Cruise drive a Porsche in these films) AND I love eighties music, which is kinda besides the point, but all I’m trying to say is – Jake Ryan has ruined me, because Jake is a character John Hughes made up and ladies, Jake does not exist…Well, I certainly can’t find him.

When Jake opens the passenger door for Samantha at the end of the film, my girl friends and I all sighed and mumbled ‘where’s my Jake?’. Ladies, Jake is an actor and no man will ever be that perfect. You might find a nice ‘John’ or ‘David’ and he may even open the door for you but JAKE! The hottest guy at school that tracks you down at your crazy sister’s wedding and drives you away in a red Porsche to have a private sweet sixteenth birthday celebration – Does. Not. Exist.

PLUS you’re not sixteen anymore, you’re like, thirty or close to, and you are now dating men the same age or older (some of you lucky things are cougars) and men at times can be as romantic as a smack in the face with a frozen pack of Lean Cuisine.

How do we fix this? We don’t. We can’t.

Do you know what needs to change? You.

“No I don’t, I’m flipping awesome!” I hear you say.

You’re awesome. I agree. A good chunk of you reading this are my friends, and I KNOW you are the bombdiggity but riddle me this sexy ladies –

Do you meet your criteria? If you were to put the same expectations on yourself, are you hot enough? Smart enough? Ambitious enough? Successful enough?

Would it upset everyone if I suggested that maybe, just maybe, the right guy is hard to find because we’re expecting him to fill all the cavities in our lives that we could in fact improve alone?

For example, if you want a successful man, maybe you need to strive to be more successful yourself? Maybe you want a rich guy to ride in on his Porsche? Then, maybe you should be aiming to buy your own sportscar?! I’m just saying, maybe, in some situations, certainly not for everyone, finding a man is impossible because you’re setting expectations for someone else that you wouldn’t apply to yourself.

“There’s no man in Maserati“. That’s my little mantra. I like it because I think it says one simple thing – don’t expect a man to do what you can do yourself. If I want a Maserati, I should buy it. Much like if you expect your ideal man to be wealthy, intelligent and good-looking – isn’t it fair to expect the same from yourself?

Now I realise all of this doesn’t apply to romance because that is really why we’re sighing during romantic films, but besides the *spoiler alert* kissing over the cake moment at the end of Sixteen Candles, Jake doesn’t actually do anything romantic for Sam. He literally turns up! That was enough! Imagine if that is all we expected? Any man could do that!! Jake finds out she likes him, has this weird break up with his prom queen girlfriend and TURNS UP!

I still would love a guy to open his car door for me and bake me a cake for my birthday (just like Jake, though Jake’s chef probably baked it) BUT I’m not too sure how comfortable I’d be reversing the roles to be Samantha – car-less, in an awful bridesmaids dress and suffering a family that forgot her sixteenth birthday. To really find Prince Charming you’d have to be the damsel in distress and I’m not sure any of us want to open the door to that kind of drama!

Maybe instead of longing for Jake Ryan, it’d be better to be Jake Ryan! Or, expect a man to work out you like him and simply ‘turn up’.

K xx

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Be my Valentine

13 Feb

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow and being savvy could win you a million brownie points.

I’ll get to just how to switch on your romantic side just after this quick message from our sponsor – ‘Single women all over the world’.

Below are some handy tips to help you know whether your Valentine likes you. They’re pretty obvious but then again, we all know how perceptive you men are….

Women hint A LOT. They will say they mentioned you to a girl friend, compliment you, make reference to a Facebook pic from 2007 (I am that girl!) and the more blunt of the species may just be bold enough to come out and say “well, how ’bout it”.

We will show interest in what you do and those of us with that crazy maternal gene will go that step further and offer to help you with a whole range of things, from work stuff to tying your shoelaces 🙂 kidding. In total honesty, we invest in the ones we want something more with, we just can’t help it.

Touching! If she can’t stop finding a way to touch your arm or make some form of physical contact with you, then there’s a pretty big chance she’s interested. Unless she’s massively drunk and you in fact have become her anchor for balance. I’m sure you can figure out which is which.

She sends you a ridiculously random text. Yep, she’s ignored her friends and decided to text you before you text her. If you don’t respond for an entire day, then it’s pretty clear you’re not that interested or are juggling too many women to care. The best way not to leave her thinking you’re a player is to respond. Yes, the quicker on the buzzer you are the better.

So, looks like she likes you. How should you tackle Valentine’s Day?

I can imagine most men will opt for sending a text,  ‘Happy V-Day xx’. Okay….Cute…But there’s not a great deal of effort in there. No one expects a limo to pick them up after work to take them on a mystery dinner date . Well, maybe some girls do. But a one line text like the kind you have managed to get away with your whole life, isn’t going to fly today. Put some thought into it. At least swallow your manly man vibe and let her know that you’ll be thinking of her. I’m not asking you to sing ‘You’re the best’ from ‘Karate Kid’ into her voicemail, just be sincere.

Flowers delivered to work. This may seem like a big call but let’s look at this scenario closely. Single women are usually the centre of all water cooler chat. The influence your Valentine’s colleagues have, along with that of her friends is huge. Let me give you a play-by-play. Your flowers arrive and instantly her colleagues find themselves falling in love with a faceless man who did what they’re husband’s/boyfriend’s couldn’t do. Thanks to that one bunch of roses, they are doing the extra groundwork for you,  convincing your valentine she is one lucky girl. Sounds like a win/win to me.

Dinner. If you have the balls to ask her to dinner, it doesn’t have to cost you an entire paycheck. You can cook for her or have a candle lit picnic on the beach (weather pending). Or! Forget about dinner – hit up the movies, the theatre or a jazz bar. There’s always plenty to do Valentine’s Day eve.

I always think that something ridiculously unique wins. I love anything quirky. No surprises there. Let’s face it. If you’re willing to embarrass yourself, then you have to be pretty keen?! Like maybe, donning a white suit and singing N’Sync’s ‘Girlfriend’ on bended knee….? Video is above if you want to get a start on learning the lyrics 😉 Thank me later.

In short, you really can’t go wrong in making some effort. If you read the signs wrong and she isn’t keen, don’t fret, we’re adults, she’s not going to laugh at you with her friends and tell everyone on Facebook what a schmuck you are. In fact, a romantic gesture may work to your advantage and she may just find herself interested in getting to know you better. For some of us girls, the fact you cared enough to try, means everything and more.

Happy Valentine’s Day lovers.

Spread the roses and chocolates far and wide.

I like him but does he like me back?

9 Jan

I’ll be honest, I have Googled – ‘How to tell if he likes you’.

If you’re honest, you’ll probably admit to doing this too.

You can sit there, shake your head and pretend you haven’t – I KNOW YOU HAVE.

Crushing on someone who has no clue you like them, usually leads to this kind of behaviour.

This rush of teenage girly excitement has you living the optimistic life of those that see the glass half full. Regardless of the fact that you initiate all texts,emails and catch-ups, you’re hopeful that some Blog out there is going to tell you that he hasn’t made a move because he’s scared of commitment, or in need of ‘time’; that he definitely likes you, in fact he really likes you, and don’t feel bad for scribbling his name across your post-it note pad whilst you were on a work call this morning, he’s probably doing the same thing, he’s just too shy to tell you.

Like most women, I know how to pick them – it’s a curse – He’s still in love with his ex, has just started a new job and hasn’t time to commit, or has major anger management issues and punched a wall on the first date (which obviously expels him from any further dates). Yep. Sometimes it feels like you’re on Candid Camera …. Finally, when you do find a guy you really like, that has you grinning from ear to ear – he doesn’t like you back. You are not alone! This crazy business is standard. We are all in the same boat and regardless of how fabulous, intelligent or attractive you are – you have filled these shoes at some point in your life or are wearing these smelly hand-me-downs right this minute.

Being single is like living in a Soapie. Your drama filled dates become the focus of all girly pow wows and hey, regardless of how awful the dates you have are – the laughter filled debrief’s are worth it.  But when you like someone who you’re yet to go on an actual date with, you spend a great deal of time obsessing over where you and he are at. You  and your friends dissect all his texts, have a slideshow viewing of his pics from Facebook and regurgitate every conversation you’ve had with him, all  in attempt to fossick for signs. Signs that he may like you too but c’mon ladies! What in the name of Riggins are we doing?!

We are wasting a hell of a lot of time and energy! That’s what! I did some Googling (again) and I read a wide array of Blogs and articles from how to know if a guy likes you (make sure you read this to the end, because this guy let’s you in on how his girlfriend kept him and it had nothing to do with her amazing conversation)  to why you’re not married and apart from feeling entirely discouraged about the future of my dating life, I was lead to one conclusion – If he likes you, you’ll know.

If he likes you, you won’t have to chat about it with friends and look for an ‘x’ at the end of a text. You will know! He’ll step up to the plate, he’ll ask you out and you’ll do more than the first awkward dinner and go figure – he’ll generally want to see you as much as you want to see him!

All that energy you just expelled, would have been better put into the relationships you already have, the ones that actually exist with your friends and family. I’m not saying you can’t spend a little time imagining what it’d be like to go out with him – just don’t let it take over your life.

I know it’s hard to switch that part of your brain off that is constantly thinking about your crush, but you have to. Focus on other things! Hang out with your friends. Work on your own projects. Live your life! I have been boy crazy for as long as I can remember, so I am that girl who needs to hear this the most! But think about it – if you can just find a way to redirect that radar to add to your life, instead of detract from it – you will be much happier
and happy people are attractive people! Win/win!

You are not doomed! You will find it when you least expect it. That old saying has stood the test of time for a reason. Take the pressure off,  worry about the bigger picture, and watch everything fall into place. When you’re busy doing what you love doing – you’ll meet him; or that guy you were obsessing about, might come back! A lot can change in 6 months to a year and sometimes people just aren’t ready! The more you push – the further you push them away.

You know that guy you went on a date with last year that was too keen? Do you remember how off-putting that was? That is you. Right now. Stop it.

Or, if you really, really want to know if he likes you – just ask! Cut to the chase, cut out the drama and get the tears out-of-the-way.

I like him but does he like me back?

You know the answer to that.

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