Tag Archives: Women

Working the Bitches….

27 Jun

I was reading a well known women’s magazine recently, that featured an article offering advice about an age old problem – bitchy women.

The article attempted to cover ways in which to cope with work place witchery, however, the piece only succeeded in offering the same kind of advice you were once given from your school counsellor; try to work out why they’re doing it, seek to ignore them and if it gets too much, tell your teacher, ahem, your boss. Sounds like the bitch wins to me.

Sure, you may believe in karma! The universe will get’em one day and they will get their comeuppence. That’s all well and dandy, Pollyanna but for now, they’re making your life Hell! There’s gotta be a better way than just simply ignoring them?!

Before I go further, I’d like to highlight the difference between a woman of strong character and a bitch.

A strong, confident woman is also considerate, perceptive and open to communication. A bitch is someone who undermines you, is inconsiderate of you both personally and professionally and thrives on seeing you weak or affected. This post is most definitely about the latter.

Bullies travel in packs, so, you’re more than likely dealing with a co-bitch or co-bitches. Think of them as co-pilots in the repeated attempts at your assassination. They ride the coat tails of the alpha bitch,  allow the work place bullying to continue, and often, when you catch them alone, they struggle to make eye contact with you. It’s hard when you’re faced with more than one bully but you have to remember the co-bitches are the weakest individuals you will ever encounter. You’re really only dealing with one person here. You will always know exactly who the leader is.

Now that we’re clear, we can move on.

If you are forced to work with a ‘bitch’ you’re in trouble. Let’s not pretend you’re not. I’d love to say  – beat her at her own game, though, for those of us who are adverse to drama and quite frankly time poor, there has to be a better , cleaner way.

This lovely boy I knew in High School once said to me –  “Bullies hate it when you’re nice to them”. Pretty wise for a 15 year old and he was right. People are lost for reasons to dislike you when you’re nothing but nice to them.

How do you combat the bullies?

Here are some ideas, consider them experiments. Let me know how they go –

1. Be Sally Field for a day (circa The Flying Nun.) Bake cupcakes and share them with everyone at work, including the Bitch Brigade. Keep the happy greetings and goodbye’s flowing and never ever let the cracks show. Remember, these people survive on drama. You have to starve them of their energy source.

2. Be Dustin Hoffman (circa Working Girl) You are simply going to have to work harder at your job. Be prepared to hear them spout negative comments in your direction. Be a winner. Dress smarter, be smarter. Use their insecurities to feed your desire to rise above, literally. Who knows, if you find yourself in a higher position than them, you can always transfer them to another office!

3. Be Gwyneth Paltrow (after a Yoga class). Find activities outside of work that energize you and keep you positive. Mean people tend to bring you down leading you to eat more, work out less and struggle to put in the kind of performance you’d usually achieve quite easily at work. The only way to survive is to be able to see your workplace as a facet of your life and not your entire purpose. Mid week dinners with friends and rewarding weekends spent doing what makes you happy are the answer.

“This is your life, not theirs.” My dad said that to me just a few weeks ago and it’s spot on. You’re no longer in High School. Don’t let these women chart your future. Like my grandpa used to say, “You drive the car, the car doesn’t drive you!”

They’ve targeted you because you have something they don’t. Don’t let them crush you. Keep being great and watch them fall to bits.

That way, you win. Every time.

You might also want to add this track to your gym workout playlist –

….. Just run it out girls  🙂

Kristy xx

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I like him but does he like me back?

9 Jan

I’ll be honest, I have Googled – ‘How to tell if he likes you’.

If you’re honest, you’ll probably admit to doing this too.

You can sit there, shake your head and pretend you haven’t – I KNOW YOU HAVE.

Crushing on someone who has no clue you like them, usually leads to this kind of behaviour.

This rush of teenage girly excitement has you living the optimistic life of those that see the glass half full. Regardless of the fact that you initiate all texts,emails and catch-ups, you’re hopeful that some Blog out there is going to tell you that he hasn’t made a move because he’s scared of commitment, or in need of ‘time’; that he definitely likes you, in fact he really likes you, and don’t feel bad for scribbling his name across your post-it note pad whilst you were on a work call this morning, he’s probably doing the same thing, he’s just too shy to tell you.

Like most women, I know how to pick them – it’s a curse – He’s still in love with his ex, has just started a new job and hasn’t time to commit, or has major anger management issues and punched a wall on the first date (which obviously expels him from any further dates). Yep. Sometimes it feels like you’re on Candid Camera …. Finally, when you do find a guy you really like, that has you grinning from ear to ear – he doesn’t like you back. You are not alone! This crazy business is standard. We are all in the same boat and regardless of how fabulous, intelligent or attractive you are – you have filled these shoes at some point in your life or are wearing these smelly hand-me-downs right this minute.

Being single is like living in a Soapie. Your drama filled dates become the focus of all girly pow wows and hey, regardless of how awful the dates you have are – the laughter filled debrief’s are worth it.  But when you like someone who you’re yet to go on an actual date with, you spend a great deal of time obsessing over where you and he are at. You  and your friends dissect all his texts, have a slideshow viewing of his pics from Facebook and regurgitate every conversation you’ve had with him, all  in attempt to fossick for signs. Signs that he may like you too but c’mon ladies! What in the name of Riggins are we doing?!

We are wasting a hell of a lot of time and energy! That’s what! I did some Googling (again) and I read a wide array of Blogs and articles from how to know if a guy likes you (make sure you read this to the end, because this guy let’s you in on how his girlfriend kept him and it had nothing to do with her amazing conversation)  to why you’re not married and apart from feeling entirely discouraged about the future of my dating life, I was lead to one conclusion – If he likes you, you’ll know.

If he likes you, you won’t have to chat about it with friends and look for an ‘x’ at the end of a text. You will know! He’ll step up to the plate, he’ll ask you out and you’ll do more than the first awkward dinner and go figure – he’ll generally want to see you as much as you want to see him!

All that energy you just expelled, would have been better put into the relationships you already have, the ones that actually exist with your friends and family. I’m not saying you can’t spend a little time imagining what it’d be like to go out with him – just don’t let it take over your life.

I know it’s hard to switch that part of your brain off that is constantly thinking about your crush, but you have to. Focus on other things! Hang out with your friends. Work on your own projects. Live your life! I have been boy crazy for as long as I can remember, so I am that girl who needs to hear this the most! But think about it – if you can just find a way to redirect that radar to add to your life, instead of detract from it – you will be much happier
and happy people are attractive people! Win/win!

You are not doomed! You will find it when you least expect it. That old saying has stood the test of time for a reason. Take the pressure off,  worry about the bigger picture, and watch everything fall into place. When you’re busy doing what you love doing – you’ll meet him; or that guy you were obsessing about, might come back! A lot can change in 6 months to a year and sometimes people just aren’t ready! The more you push – the further you push them away.

You know that guy you went on a date with last year that was too keen? Do you remember how off-putting that was? That is you. Right now. Stop it.

Or, if you really, really want to know if he likes you – just ask! Cut to the chase, cut out the drama and get the tears out-of-the-way.

I like him but does he like me back?

You know the answer to that.

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